Ambition vs. Aspiration. High and great things, and a desire to get them. Laziness. Grades. Work. Reading class in third grade. Did I aspire to be in the upper level reading class? Come on, I aspired to get to the prize piece of playground equipment first. I already read at a 6th grade level (and was reading at a college level by 7th grade). What do I care what the teacher thinks?
Again, current day. That recent job interview. I decided I didn’t want it, it wasn’t worth it, and I was glad when I didn’t get it….and no one could understand why. Inlaws especially, because they crave money and power. When I told them I didn’t get it, and told them I wasn’t heartbroken, they said with fake sympathy: “Just too much, huh?” with a sad shake of the head.
It made me so mad. Don’t patronize me! Just because your life is lead by the Almighty Dollar and the Hunt of the Great White Power doesn’t mean mine is, dammit!!!
And it just made me think of the 3rd grade teacher again. I never got good grades…..because a) I didn’t give a rats ass what other people wanted of me, and b) because my learning style is hands-on, not lecture-listening. It was the same all though high school and college. Not because I’m lazy or stupid.
I. Do. Not. Care. What. Other. People. Expect. From. Me. One of my friends in college had raised seeing-eye puppies while a teenager. One dog flunked, she told me once, because the evaluator said “Lucky was just too happy doing his own thing.” I guess I fall into that category.
Chores were LOADS of fun in my house, let me tell you.
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I’ve been struggling for a few weeks to finish this third part, but recently a woman named Jenna wrote a post on her blog that seemed to fill in some gaps. It can be found here. I’ll wait whilst you go and read it.
**elevator music**
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Done? Good. This story illustrates something to me that few people really seem to want to talk about: really truly finding happy. Right now, we are constantly told we can buy ‘happy.’ Happy is a new MP3 player. Happy is a new(er) car. Happy is restaurant food. Happy is the newest gadget and the most expensive cable package. But as soon as you get something like that, you need to upgrade to the next newest model or better brand.
Kind of sounds like ambition, doesn’t it? Getting fame or power and trying like hell to keep it….
Here is a woman who, at 27, has figured out what makes her happy. It isn't her full-time job. She rents a cabin on a small acreage, has 2 sheep, a goat, several chickens, and two huskies. She wants to farm sheep for wool with two border collies more than anything. She is happy dreaming on her porch, playing her stringed instrument of choice. And for now it is enough.
God. If we could all be so lucky to have figured it out at that age. Can you imagine what our world would be like?
My world is not focused on the job-life anymore. It hasn’t been for a while, even though it took me a while to figure it out and stop fighting it. Sure, I bitch about work, my coworkers, etc. But…that ain’t IT anymore.
On some level, this garden/cooking/doing ‘thing’ that started out as a hobby has grown into something else. I like that I can grow my own food, I like that I know how and keep learning new things. I like that this will support us in a way that may allow us to get rid of our debt sooner by cutting our food bill (hah). I like that we are working on this together. I like that I’m putting a mark on the planet that doesn’t involve destruction. I like this….domestic (ick, is that the right word?)…stuff.
My mom worked full-time until just this past November when she retired at age 66 and has lived a life where everything she wanted/needed was just given to her. She’s had a very sheltered and pampered life. Dad, on the other hand, grew up poor in the south and they scrapped for everything they had. He is perfectly happy not to ever have to do that again.
They really don’t get what I’m doing here or why. Dad really doesn’t get it when I talk about getting chickens. “Chickens….you go ahead and grow what vegetables you want, but don’t get chickens. That’s raw! RAW!” I don’t even know what he means by that. I think they’re totally baffled by my decisions and what we’re doing here.
So, that will wait until Introspectrus, part 4: That Food Thing We’re Doing Here.
3 comments:
I can see why this one was hard to write.
But I agree ::insert Mamma Cass singing ♪ you've got to make your own kind of music, sign your own special song ♪
When I knew you in University, I knew you were in the box, as they say, and that you were going to do things beyond your undergrad training. Gardening I could see, in spite of your saying you had no green thumb....
Chickens? Well, I have come to know that you are very much the kind of person who does it when says she will.
::lol:: Does your dad even understand that you will probably take the chickens to a butcher to prepare and not be slaughtering them in the back yard? ::lol::
p.s. Don't start slaughtering chickens in your backyard. That's RAW!
p.p.s. "RAW!" is our new us-expression btw.
p.p.p.s. Chickens are nasty, vile, but delicious creatures, who will mutiny at the drop of a feather. Never turn your back on them.
Re: Dad and chickens. The only thing we can figure is that he remembers the LARGE poultry farms in the south...and their smell on a humid 97* day. I can't say I blame him if that's what he's thinking, but we're talking maybe 6-8 chickens here. I think we can control the odor a bit better.
I know Matt is thinking of meat chickens, but I'm thinking egg chickens. We'll see what happens.
More later....
1) Maybe your father doesn't want you to eat the chickens raw? :)
2) Bravo. Taking a stand for your own happiness is a brave thing. Never back down from it!
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