Aging

I turn 39 this year.  This post isn’t about feeling old, getting old, etc.  I don’t think 39 is old, though I know a lot of people who do.  They can go stuff it.  

I am starting to physically feel achy in places, I’m not as flexible as I once was (working on this), and I notice my memory is going a bit but I chalk that up to job stress.  My metabolism has obviously slowed down.  I didn’t think I’d have a 23yo body all my life.  I think people who don’t want to age or don’t think they will age are idiots, sorry, but what did you think was going to happen??  

This post is more about responsibility as I age, because this is what I’m having the most trouble with.  My parents are 75 and 71 now.  I’m a (mostly) only child, and I do live near them, about 20 minutes away.  Their house is IMHO too big for them and the upkeep has become more of an issue over the past 5 years or so and property taxes keep going up.  Dad would love to move, and I support that, but Mom doesn’t want to move, so they are not moving.

For years, I’ve wanted to move to another part of the country.  There are many reasons for this:

• People in this part of the country are selfish, mean, abrasive, and hard to get along with, 
• I just get bored easily and moving seems like a way to keep things interesting, 
•  Other parts of the country are beautiful and I’d like to experience them for more than a few days at a time, 
• Well, why not move? 

But that hasn’t happened, for several reasons.  Right now the main reason is I don’t want to leave my aging parents alone as they age and I’ll be frank here:  this is a bit smothering for me.  Most everyone might not understand that, but I wasn’t raised with a strong sense of family.  The sense of familial obligation is alien to me, yet I feel this strong push that I should stay here because that is what everyone expects of me.

I hate this feeling.  I feel like I'm being selfish, yet I feel I only have one shot at this life and, dammit, I should be able to live it as I want to, or as close as possible.  But here I am, here I seem to remain. 

(I think I’m going to start adding theme songs to my posts for kicks and giggles.  This post’s theme song is Jack Johnson’s Home).