A few years ago, I discovered a blog by an artist in Canada, and I’ve been a sporadic reader ever since. I found that she could put into words things I felt but couldn’t describe, and her posts were very therapeutic for me.
But clearly, for awhile now, I’ve been unhappy. I’ve felt unsettled and awkward, almost like I was intentionally avoiding something.
Last fall, she decided to have another artist/writer also post on her blog, and I can say I’ve found her posts to be even MORE applicable to me. It’s as though *I* wrote them. Absolutely spot on. And timely, too, things that are happening to me NOW or explanations of things I should have realized but didn’t.
And for the first few days in Kauai, I wasn’t settled either. I was thrilled to be there, of course, but I felt a little like I was phoning it in. The truth was, I was starting to panic. What if I didn’t find answers here? WHAT IF THERE WERE NO ANSWERS?! Gack.
Here’s one of them. This may sound silly, and to some people what she writes here about her "discovery" may seem obvious, but this really hit home to me.
The next morning, we were having tea on our lanai, listening to the waves, about to head off for the day, when I heard this little voice inside my head say, "Help." I was praying. For a sign, an answer, something obvious. Please, I thought, let there be something obvious.
This is soooo me. This is EXACTLY what I do. Wait for a sign, assume one will come. Figure it either isn’t time yet or I missed it if one does NOT come.
She got a sign, (you’ll have to go read the blog post for the whole bit) and it was a kick in the head to me when I read it, because she’s (again) spot on.
What the hell? How did I go from clueless to confident in three seconds?
I wish I could say the outcome was the same for me. The key word here (to me) is "confident," which she writes on (and I will, too) in a later post. But reading about someone else’s AH-HAH!! moment isn’t the same as having one yourself. She renders it down to taking action vs. fear of choice. I HATE making choices, yet I get pissed when I DON’T have a choice in something. Yes, I realize that doesn’t make any sense.
And it isn’t lost on me that I am/was/have been waiting for a sign from the Universe to tell me what the answer is…..which is JUST LIKE someone else telling you what to do, making the choice for you. So. Hm.
Something to think about for me, and definitely a work in progress.
