My husband has a friend coming to visit the end of September. It is a female friend, they have never met in person. They have known each other for 10 years. We've known each other for 7 and been married 4. This female friend has a crush on him. I am 'not allowed' to meet her the first time he sees her. But I will be 'allowed' after that, depending on what her plans are about how long she's going to be in town, which we think will be a night, maybe two.
I am making myself sick over this. I am unable to do my work this morning because I just keep going through a feedback loop on it. I can not think of anything else. I know it's silly, there is nothing I can do about it right now. I intend to ask for a compromise, that we all three get together for coffee after he takes her out to dinner or for brunch the next day. I have a hunch the answer will still be 'no.' I'm not sure what to do then.
The unknown in this is killing me. On one hand, I don't really think he would have an affair at all and not with her. On the other hand, she has a crush on him. He also recently told me that if I wanted to sleep with another man that was ok if it was "something I felt I needed to do." It is not ok with me, and I told him that I was not going to give him the OK to do the same, if he 'felt he needed to.' If he had an affair, I would leave him, period. Amazingly, I feel better writing about this. Who woulda thunk it!
I would that this friend, Kathy, and I would be friends. Not best friends, but that she and I could meet and get to know each other. I am happy that my husband has such a close friend and can talk to someone. I don't like it that he keeps it so compartmentalized from me. He doesn't seem to understand that when one gets married that we both loose some freedoms. I don't keep my friends from him, but he keeps his friends and I isolated from each other. This is a part of his live that has a 'Wives not allowed' sign on it. That is the problem. Now, what to do about it...
J
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