That's what I want...It's what I want...

So our bank account is overdrawn. Again. AGAIN. I can't figure out how we keep doing this. I mean, I swear to god it's like we hemorrhage the stuff. How do we do this EVERY DAMN TIME? I'm trying SO HARD to make all this work, pay off the things we need to pay off, save for the things we need and want to save for and I just can't seem to get it all right. I feel like shit, every time, and I don't know how to break the cycle.

It's time to let her go

The US Supreme Court has just denied Terri Shiavo's parents request to have her feeding tube reinserted. I couldn't be more happy for Terri and her husband. Her wishes are finally being heard.

The fact that the US Congress can step in and try to direct one American life the way they did last week should scare the hell out of everyone in this country. We are no longer able to direct our own lives, people. Big Brother is a reality.

The fact that not one but two FEDERAL courts did not follow the course Congress took but upheld the LAW should tell us something: Congress doesn't care about constitutional law anymore. We need judges in places of power that are not swayed by politics, but do follow the letter of what the law states. We need this type of Checks & Balances, right now especially, to keep our so-called lawmakers and executive branch in line. If the Bush Administration has its way, this will no longer be a reality.

And, finally, to all you Lifers out there: keep trying to break into the hospice center to bring her bottled water. You'll just drown her, you idiots. Then her death will be on your hands.

Either way, Terri's final wishes will have been granted. See you on the flip side, and keep YOUR personal wishes off MY body.

In other words, you want to be hooked up to a machine that lives for you, be my guest. I'd rather to on to the next one. Thanks, see ya.

"He said he thought I was an angel"

A man on trial for rape overcame the officer watching him, shot and killed the judge presiding over his trial, shot and killed the court reporter, shot and killed a deputy, almost killed the reporter whose car he hijacked, and later killed an immigration officer.

The day before, he was found to have two homemade knives that he smuggled into the court in his shoes.

Now, the question running through the media is how can you have a person on trial for a brutal rape NOT handcuffed and in the presence of one female officer? Especially the day after he smuggled two blades into the court? Hello?? Does anyone in Atlanta have a brain?

It turns out the answer is a resounding yes. I am not a Christian, I don't believe in miracles. I do believe we are directed to certain places for certain reasons at certain times. The trick is to have enough intelligence to recognize it when it happens.

Ashley Smith did just that. If Nicholls had run into anyone else in that city, he and many other people would be dead right now. Somehow, Ashley knew what to do. I don't know how. I couldn't have done what she did, I don't think. What an amazing turn of events.

I do not condone what he did, I do not try to defend his murders, and I sympathize with the families of the slain. However, who could have thought this monster had a human face?

If you haven't, please read the transcript or view the video of her first-person account of what happened while she was a 'hostage.' They currently have it on CNN.

Back to the grindstone

I'm considering going back to school. The thought scares the shit out of me. This is graduate school, for gods sake.

I have been looking for a great program for years and I think I may have finally found one. UNC-Greensboro has a great Master of Arts in Liberal Studies that is fully online. The classes look facinating, and I'm planning on taking a class this summer online to see if I like it, and maybe another in the Fall, for the same reason. You can only take 3 classes from them before you have to enroll in the program. Ugh. I hate making decisions like that.

The thing is I have a BA in Sociology right now, and it's more and more feeling like a "do you want fries with that?" degree. Why whould I want a "do you want fries with that?" Masters as well?

On the other hand, I have a friend who has a BA in something, an MA in Russian, an MA in Anthropology and most of an MA in History, AND she's currently going back for another BA in Psychology. There is nothing saying this is the only MA I can ever get, and it is a good stepping stone off to other things. Many of the jobs I've looked at require a masters, but don't really care what it's in.

If I take 3 graduate credits per semester I'm considered half-time and my undergraduate loans can be defered, which means more money to put towards more important bills with higher interest rates. Matt's loans will be paid off within the year, too. I don't see how this is a bad idea. Except that I might hate it, but I'm gonna give it a whirl anyway.

Waiting for weights

Matt and I purchased a membership at the local university athletic facility. It was $200 less than the local YWCA and god knows how much less expensive than the local Gold's Gym. I've been twice so far, Matt's gone three times. Our plan is 2-3 times/week. So far so good!

I'm looking into doing weight training. With free weights, of course, not sissy machines. Matt does sissy machines. I found a fabulous website for women interested in weight training: www.stumptuous.com/weights.html Great information a real human female can use, and it's funny. I want to get my metabolism up, my weight down, my strength up, my BMI at a better range, etc etc etc, and the way to do it is through weight training. It helps a lot that I LOVE LIFTING WEIGHTS. I woke up sore the next day, but I slept better than I have in months and felt better than I had in years. You can't beat it.

Matt and I had a big fight on Valentines Day and then somehow worked everything out and have come to some sort of understanding that we haven't had before. It's odd. I think we got real serious about some things and talkec (actually TALKED) about them at length and explained where we were coming from to the other, and we understood (actually UNDERSTOOD!!!) it all. And LISTENED!!! It was refreshing and scary at the same time. Hope it lasts.

The Big 3-0

Well, now. I a little over 2 weeks I turn 30. I know, I know. Really, though, this is not a big deal to me. No, seriously. It's just another year, just another day. Just another reminder that I'm not getting any younger and my face will soon start to wrinkle and my EYESIGHT WILL BE SHOT TO HELL AND I WILL HAVE TO FIGHT HARDER AND HARDER AGAINST ANOTHER FIVE POUNDS AND BUNIONS! I'M GOING TO GET BUNIONS FOR GODS SAKE! BUNIONS!!

Ok. So it's just another year.

Seriously, though, there is one thing that made me say, "Oh. Hang on a minute." My direct female line on my mom's side doesn't have a good track record when it comes to health. My grandmother had a stroke at age 59 and a heart attack at age 60, which killed her. My mother had a heart attack at age 59 (and nothing at age 60, thank god. She is a health 62 now).

Being the third in line to inherit this is unsettling at best and scary at worst. I haven't exactly been excercising like I should, or eating like I should. To think that if I don't really start changing my lifestyle I could end up with the same thing happening to me in 30 years......30 years! But wait! That's how long I've been alive.

That means if I don't change my ways I am...right now...at this point.... half way through my life.

Whoa.

Half way? How can that be! Holy shit. I can't be on the downward swing already, can I?

But here I am, my family's health history staring me in the eye as it winds the clock.

Talk about a kick in the head.

Time to do something about it. More than time to do something about it.....

I think the groundhog was delirious

Right now it is about 60 outside. I have my window open behind my desk. Firefighters are frolicking on the lawn. What a strange winter! I can't remember a winter like this, not for a looong time.

So, my christian wacko nut friend I wrote about last time. Well, I sent her a nice message basically telling her not to send me things like that anymore. I told her that as a non-christian it really makes me angry that someone is ignoring my right to my beliefs and is telling me in no uncertain terms they don't matter. I said I usually wind up focusing my anger on the people who send me emails like that, in this case her, and I really don't want to be mad at her because I consider her a friend. 3 days later I got a reply: Sorry. That's all, just 'Sorry.' I'm not sure what to think, but I haven't gotten any junk like that from her since.

I did run into her, we shot the shit and went our separate ways. Nothing exciting, we didn't wrestle each other to the ground. Hmmmm.

So, I recently found out that a long time e-friend of my husband has a major crush on him. He was surprised, the oaf. I could have told him she had the hots for him. I remain unsurprised. From what he has told me, she is acting extremly juvenile (she's 32). I mean, this is mickey mouse stuff. It is amusing, if sad....