There is no Magical Path

A few years ago, I discovered a blog by an artist in Canada, and I’ve been a sporadic reader ever since. I found that she could put into words things I felt but couldn’t describe, and her posts were very therapeutic for me.

But clearly, for awhile now, I’ve been unhappy. I’ve felt unsettled and awkward, almost like I was intentionally avoiding something.

Last fall, she decided to have another artist/writer also post on her blog, and I can say I’ve found her posts to be even MORE applicable to me. It’s as though *I* wrote them. Absolutely spot on. And timely, too, things that are happening to me NOW or explanations of things I should have realized but didn’t.

And for the first few days in Kauai, I wasn’t settled either. I was thrilled to be there, of course, but I felt a little like I was phoning it in. The truth was, I was starting to panic. What if I didn’t find answers here? WHAT IF THERE WERE NO ANSWERS?! Gack.

Here’s one of them. This may sound silly, and to some people what she writes here about her "discovery" may seem obvious, but this really hit home to me.

The next morning, we were having tea on our lanai, listening to the waves, about to head off for the day, when I heard this little voice inside my head say, "Help." I was praying. For a sign, an answer, something obvious. Please, I thought, let there be something obvious.

This is soooo me. This is EXACTLY what I do. Wait for a sign, assume one will come. Figure it either isn’t time yet or I missed it if one does NOT come.

She got a sign, (you’ll have to go read the blog post for the whole bit) and it was a kick in the head to me when I read it, because she’s (again) spot on.

What the hell? How did I go from clueless to confident in three seconds?

I wish I could say the outcome was the same for me. The key word here (to me) is "confident," which she writes on (and I will, too) in a later post. But reading about someone else’s AH-HAH!! moment isn’t the same as having one yourself. She renders it down to taking action vs. fear of choice. I HATE making choices, yet I get pissed when I DON’T have a choice in something. Yes, I realize that doesn’t make any sense.

And it isn’t lost on me that I am/was/have been waiting for a sign from the Universe to tell me what the answer is…..which is JUST LIKE someone else telling you what to do, making the choice for you. So. Hm.

Something to think about for me, and definitely a work in progress.

…….Or Not.

OK, so that didn’t work. Sorry about that.

This past year has been…..enlightening….challenging….a bit scary at times. It’s been fun, funny, sad, full of love and joy, new people, ideas, and things. Chickens. New neighbors. Food. Gifts given and received. Flowery language. Too much CNN, dammit. Hope and frustrations and everything in between.

I’m going to try this again, but I can’t promise anything. I have some pictures to post, stories to tell, grief and pain to get out of my system, and growth to explore.

I’m going to attempt to post a few times a week, sometimes long stuff or pictures….sometimes just a quote that caught my attention and why it struck me. Sometimes it might be just stream of consciousness stuff. Sometimes it might be personal issues. Sometimes it might be work related, as that is a major upheaval right now.

I’m also planning on pointing towards a few blogs that have resonated with me lately.

I’m not going to be updating the garden blog, but I’m not going to take it down. Just an FYI. I’ll post a note there explaining all that, though. I may want to pick it up again in the future, and I know I will refer to it at times.

I’m hoping to also promote some discussion and thinking and questioning, too! It should be fun...

Six Month Hiatus - DONE!!!

Lots going on will write more later....but as a teaser:

• Chickens coming.
• Made a profit for the first year last year with my business, and it looks as though this year I will also.
• New job is going.....well. More stress, but going well.
• Lost some friends, found some new ones.
• Another Virginia trip upcoming.
• A Bermuda trip upcoming.
• Other things, good and bad, afoot.

In other words, life. Hope to hear from you, hope some of you noticed that I'm BAAAAACCKKK!

Sister, Sister

Many, many moons ago, I wrote about my half sister. The post is here, I'll wait while you go and refresh your memory.

Back? OK. Good. Well, guess what? She contacted me on Friday.

It's all good, don't worry. This past week has been a soap opera. Not only did dad go in the hospital last week and get a pacemaker (went fine, he wanted one, everything's great), but I had to break the news to him on Sunday about B getting in touch with me, and I had no idea how it was going to go.

It turns out (contrary to the previous post) that he did NOT know where she was and has NOT been in contact with her. She is not in the state I thought she was in, but it is the same woman I found on Facebook months ago. And....this is the weird part....she lives in a town that is the SAME NAME AS THE TOWN I LIVE IN but in a different state. So, say I live in Middletown, PA...she lives in Middletown, CA. Weird, huh? What are the odds?

THEN I found out she likes to garden. Vegetable garden. Seriously, all we need is a jewelry business on the side and we're set.

Dad is THRILLED to find out he is a grandfather. Really. He has a 10yo granddaughter and a 20yo grandson. I think the grandson may have been named after him, too. He said "I got a pacemaker and two grandkids in one week!!"

So, now we're friends on Facebook, dad is tickled pink, mom is a bit freaked out.

No News, etc.

I really don't have much to report, but I will break things down a bit and just gab:

House: the garden was a colossal failure this year between the drought, the heat, and me getting a new job. Matt spent most of his summer working on the garage, and that didn't help. See the garden blog for more info.

Garage: we have the windows and doors in, which is a huge load off the mind because now we can lock the tools up instead of carting them back and forth to the house. Right now, we're working on running electrical line in the hopes of getting the siding on before cold really sets in and getting the insulation in this winter.

Matt: see above. Also, (this is a secret), he is thinking of going back to school.

Max: losing his sight more and more. Getting a little arthritic but, hey, so will you when you turn 11. Uh, if you're a yorkie, that is. We see the vet tomorrow for our annual check-up, so stay tuned.

Me: I come home tired every day. I mean, fall into bed exhausted, tired. I don't have much more to report.

Stink Bugs: they have invaded.

Update - New Job

I'm really sorry I haven't been writing lately. I've been busy. To make a long story short, after a week on/week off with the new job/old job, I'm now with the new job permanently as of the 19th. I love it! So happy I moved on.

I'm on the computer non stop at the NJ and quite frankly don't really want to leave 8+ hours of all-out computer work to come home and...get on the computer again. I'm sure you understand. So, probably the posts will be thin for a while.

We've also been having computer upgrades here at the house, so one computer was away and the other wasn't working properly, then vice-versa. All is well now, though. We hope.

Anyway, NJ. I've had two trainings via phone now and due to that can do most of what needs done with the job for now. Primarily, I manage the databases of users that are supposed to receive our materials. There are over 91oo users in one DB and over 34000 users in the other. I am supposed to be growing both of these databases at the same time I'm to be updating their information. It is quite a task.

The problem comes in that the person I'm replacing did a no-notice self termination. She just didn't come in. So, a LOT of things are left undone in the middle of projects, and we have no idea what she was doing. Most of them, though, are not pressing. So at least that's something.

I'm getting along swimmingly with my sole coworker/manager. I'm very glad about this. I'm also being treated like a human by the feds, which is a real switch from the OJ. I am also impressed with the new company. The previous company I worked for was run by incompetent single-cell life compared to the new one.

I will also be sent away for some more training within the year, possibly a few. One I am quite looking forward to. I was issued a govt laptop today, I hope to get the training on how to hook it up to my home network this week sometime. In this way, I will be able to put out the unclassified but sensitive information that we occasionally put out to the people who need it. With the laptop, I will also be able to work from home during the next blizzard we experience. Hallelujah.

Things I'll Miss About the Old Job

There are a lot of things I WON'T miss, but there are some things I will.

Of the many strange titles in the library's unique collection, this was my favorite

I'll miss working one-on-one with the students. Yes, the are mostly firefighters and no, I don't mean *THAT* kind of one-on-one....although some of my coworkers did. Ahem. I'll miss getting snowed in, and all the funny pictures that used to show up.

Maureen, the spider who lived outside my window

Oh, and let's not forget the strange dreams.

Paper-wrapped leg of lamb on my desk

I'll miss the beautiful interior with the columns and huge windows. I'll still have the gorgeous campus, though.

I'll get some pictures from my new building sometime soon.